1. |
Whatever I've Got
04:02
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Yesterday I watched the sun creep through my room
I prayed that sleep would find me soon or even dreaming
Spent the evening keeping all of this at bay
People say “it seems you know everyone here”
Can you imagine something lonelier than that?
To be alone and know there’s no one left to save you
Anyway I try to trust in what I hear
I clutch my fabrications near and pull them close
as if the truth could give a damn about my comfort
And I’ll be fine in the end
I know I’ll be fine at the end of this
I’ll be fine with whatever I’ve got
Just give it to me now
I’m okay. I keep my head and heart from sinking
I never let myself think all that much about it
I don’t doubt that things are just the way they should be
But yesterday I reached a hand out in the night
I felt a shoulder pull back right as I grew near
and asked myself, “What have you gotten yourself into?”
And we’ll be fine at the end
I know you’ll be fine at the end of this
I’ll be fine with whatever I’ve got
Just give it to me now
I know, I know — you’ve been counting down the days
I know, I know — it’s getting to me too
I know, I know — the truth is coming due
I’ve been thinking ‘bout leaving for a couple of months
‘cause this is driving me crazy and enough is enough
I’d try to say how I feel but that’s just pushing my luck
I’ll be fine at the end
I know I’ll be fine at the end of this
I’ll be fine with the end of us but
you’ve got to give it to me now
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2. |
Half the Night
03:58
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Lying awake in the dim of the lights
that you’ve hung from your wall
I can just see your chest rise and
falling through holes that I’ve
dug for myself — is it half the night gone?
— I’ve spent half the night hoping I’m wrong
What’s going on in that head of yours, darling?
Is there some dream you can take me on?
What’s going on in your head?
If you knew what I’m thinking you’d turn around,
tell me you love me, now tell me I don’t need to worry at all
What does it mean that I
found you asleep when I came,
when I got here there was something I wanted
to ask what you meant when you
said that you want to try “harder than this” —
was there something that I should have said?
What’s going on in that head of yours, darling?
Why do I feel like there’s something wrong?
What’s going on in your head?
If you knew what I’m thinking you’d turn around,
please, baby, turn around, tell me I don’t need to worry at all
Lying awake after half the night spent,
now I turn to the wall —
guess I’ll finally give up
but that’s just when you pull me in close
you whisper you sleep worse without me
and I close my eyes
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3. |
All I Want
02:55
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Walking after sundown,
casting through the lamplight,
your hair was tangled in the shadow,
my hands were shaking from the cold.
Far away beside me,
thinking we were alright,
you smiled a private satisfaction
and missed the quiet glance I stole.
And, baby, that's all I want.
You're all I want.
Quiet kind of Friday,
watching you watch TV.
Unheavy heads are quick to lie down.
You slept unburdened by my side.
Hiding in my pillow,
whispering the not-right,
I poured desire into the darkness.
The darkness answered me right back.
And, baby, that's all I want.
You're all I want.
But what will you want when you have got me?
You won't want me anymore.
I'm lost in my thoughts to keep you wanting
and I write these songs to keep you wanting more.
Twisting through my fingers,
asking if I'm alright,
you spied a private kind of sadness.
I hold my tongue to draw you in.
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4. |
At the End
00:30
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5. |
On Your Mind
06:24
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It’s only when it’s dark that I feel like I can talk to you like this
and I’m speaking so soft that the words can barely tumble past my lips
Babe, you know the truth is I haven’t been myself for quite a while
and I try to bite it back but it sinks its teeth in when I see you smile
The light from out the door is the only thing to separate our form
and I don’t know how to say what I feel so I just wrap you in my arms
The weary voice inside is the same as that which whispers in your ear
singing, “What happens to us when you leave in June and I’m still standing here?”
and there you go
Just keep me on your mind, babe, ‘cause giving up is easy
Giving up is easy when you’re a hundred miles away
Just keep me on your mind, babe, ‘cause giving up is easy
Giving up is easy but we’ve got to try, I just can’t let this go
It’s running through my mind when you tell me all the things that you’ll miss most
and I’ll try to fake a smile and I’ll tell you, “Just keep all the best things close”
I guess you know me best ‘cause you always see just when it hits me hard
and you grin a little less every time I pawn it off on my guitar
and there you go
Just keep me on your mind, babe, ‘cause giving up is easy
Giving up is easy when you’re a hundred miles away
Just keep me on your mind, babe, ‘cause giving up is easy
Giving up is easy but we’ve got to try, I just can’t let this go
I know I stress you out when I can’t keep this down
Will it be me and not the miles that make you feel so far away?
If you won’t want this then and this is just pretend
then is it me and not the miles that make you feel so far away?
and when I really get this way
I keep you on my mind, babe, ‘cause giving up is easy
Giving up is easy but we’ve got to try
You’re always on my mind, babe, and giving up is easy
Giving up is easy but we’ve got to try I just won’t let this go
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6. |
This Unmade Bed
03:11
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Covers gently draped
as if to trap beneath their form
something of the fading the warmth
of the tangled, slumbering limbs
from which I extricate myself
She always makes the bed when I go
The warmth that she preserved
fled when lonelily disturbed
when I crawled inside and curled up
and I couldn’t bring it back
Lying in the inky blackness,
this song began to twist through my head
I hope our words settle
I hope we don’t mean what we’ve said
And I hope that I’m not doomed to this unlovely, unmade bed
I finally return at the ending of the day
to sheets torn back from where I lay
and pillows where she always slept
from how I’d clutched them to my chest
An unmade bed to capture my unrest
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7. |
In My Head
03:22
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I think I saw you last night for about the thousandth time
I was waiting by the balcony when you went walking by
I thought I saw something soften when you stopped and met my eye
then I woke up to the cold bed
It’s the same thing every night
You’d always wake before me but sometimes I just can’t sleep
and I would wake to you beside me and just watch you grind your teeth
and you’d be sleeping with your rings on in my old faded band tee
I just wanted to feel close to you
Babe, that’s all I ever need
So don’t you think this is getting out of hand?
It’s been six months now without you but I still feel like your man
so I’ll toss and I’ll turn and I’ll take what I can get
I’ll see you soon, babe
I’ll see you sooner in my head tonight
I’m always counting forward to a future I can’t hack
Sometimes I hope we’ll be together ‘cause I’m always looking back
and there’s a thousand different reasons that’s fucked up and I know that
I don’t care if it’s the right thing
I just always want you back
So don’t you think this is getting out of hand?
It’s been six months now without you but I still feel like your man
so I’ll toss and I’ll turn and I’ll take what I can get
I’ll see you soon, babe
I’ll see you sooner in my head tonight
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8. |
Sweet Dreams
01:32
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Sweet dreams, baby, sweet dreams
I thought if I thought hard enough that you might come back home
like I could manifest your memory in flesh and skin and bone
Then one night you were there looking back at me through the lights
looking everywhere but me, severing all these words I write
and would you sing along to all the parts that you still know?
Well, I promise I’ll write new ones now for all the parts you don’t
like the “Baby, I still love you”s I won’t whisper through the phone
We still say goodnight like lovers but we go to bed alone
so sweet dreams, baby, sweet dreams
I wish that I could just fold up that map and cross the seams
the way I blink into the darkness where you’re still there holding me
in sweet dreams, baby, sweet dreams
But “sweet dreams” left things unsaid so we just said it once again
and I always wake up
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9. |
Sleepless
04:54
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I can't sleep again.
Sounds likes the sky is coming down outside.
It's drowning out this restless time
and you're on my mind.
I thought the distance might have kept you
but I've missed you since I left you
even more.
So if I drove those thirty miles then would you grin?
Lose the teeth and pull a smile and let me in?
Wrap me in your arms and ask, "How have you been?"
Well, I've been fine
but I sleep much worse without you, babe,
I sleep much worse without you.
And I've been trying
and I know that how we left things wasn't good at all
but hear this and you should recall the times
that we've had.
When we danced in the rain together,
hey, the weather wasn't ever all that bad.
So when I drive these thirty miles then will you grin?
Pour some chai and then say, "Hi, how have you been?"
Maybe, darling, would you kiss me once again?
'Cause I've been trying.
But I sleep much worse without you, babe,
I sleep much worse without you.
I can't sleep
so I'm dreaming.
I'm writing songs I'll never sing to you —
I know the wrongs I did to you are done.
So are we.
But while you're fast asleep and far away
you've got me sleepless, thinking,
Babe, you are driving me wild. You are.
And know I sleep much worse without you, babe,
I sleep much worse without you.
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couchsleepers Burlington, Vermont
A soundtrack for my life, performed by me and my friends from this tiny apartment.
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